Filling the empty spaces… with a Spiritual Ally!

much of the inconsolable feelings of separation anxiety powerlessness aloneness we experience are echos from the past, empty spaces of what DIDN’T happen when we needed it … when we actually were new beings to the planet totally vulnerable and dependent on our primary caregivers for our survival. it was the assurance that wasn’t given, it was the cry that wasn’t heard, the tremors that weren’t assuaged, the fall that wasn’t seen, the steadfast presence of unconditional love that wasn’t felt.

i guess i had the ‘privilege’ of finding out that i’ve got a whole Costco parking lot of missing spaces through coming up again and again and yet again with puzzling painful experiences, not understanding why a certain present ‘minor’ event could trigger such deep emotions, minor things which i started to recognize as major themes- i knew the answer was deeper, and the process of trying to find out became my obsession. part of the journey also included the frustration of not being able to access my emotions, the frustration of feeling blocked, numb, frozen. things not making ‘sense’ logically – because this requires a sentient intelligence, which is deeper and primal.
when we’ve been conditioned to not show or not express how we really feel, when we’ve been trained to maintain a facade of ourselves to make others feel ok or even to convince our own selves trying to seem like we’re ok when there’s a part of you that’s actually not, when we’ve been told that what matters is what we Do to win the outer approval from others and not really having had the chance or space to feel into what FEELS intrinsically good – we move further away from our own innate truth/ purpose / happiness/wellbeing. i’m in an ongoing process of realizing and recognizing the layers of missing spaces from being born under Korean parents who had/have ZERO recognition of emotions, something to be swatted away as an inconvenience, any form of vulnerability avoided like the Black Plague, all under the name of duty and how things Should appear on the outside. i could write a novel on how emotionally Neanderthal they are. maybe i will. SO. Much.  Material. the silver lining is that i got a reeeeeally good deep thorough PH.D worthy study on the repercussions of unmet emotional needs, AND the seriously magical transformation and transmutations that continues to happen as i consciously make the choice (it is a vow i have to re-take again and again from the tiniest moments in a day) to pivot from a long generational chain of mom-women who denied their own power/feelings/truth in service of pre-existing invisible rules of acceptable behavior. 

moving into higher self-awareness and becoming integrated conscious manifestors is about finding out what those missing spaces are, by letting yourself acknowledge and feel the pain it’s creating, inquiring as to what unmet need/missing space the pain is indicating towards, and letting those missing spaces be filled by yourself and others who actually want to, and can. pure presence = love. 

i am unleashing a 6 week 1-on-1 Spiritual Ally program that is aimed at finding out what your missing spaces are, and getting them filled with PURE PRESENCE. this is the nourishment that allows for moving through challenging periods of transition, birthing and embodying the new integrated whole You.  it is an intuitive process of alchemy that happens betweeen us. it is experimental and in beta, therefore it’s at a special discounted price through august. the ball has already started rolling with a few clients and having truly amazing transformational shifts already.  The program is comprised of weekly 1 hour web meetings, meditation, yin yoga, inquiry, presence.

Curious? Know anyONE who could benefit from this message? PLEASE FWD AND SHARE IF U CARE 🙂 Also offering free 20 minute connection calls. Message me to schedule a call! yosarayoga@gmail.com

xoxo SA RA

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Spiritual Ally during life pivot

so many people i’ve been meeting have been talking about going through major life pivot / restructuring. you feel something deep inside of you that feels incongruous to the life you’re currently living, and you’re yearning for a new reality that you can’t quite put to words or maybe you can but it feels too far from reach from where you are now. this feeling has been brewing inside you for quite some time, it comes and goes, but it seems to have a mind of its own – you want to release it, it feels deep and ancient, bigger than what the mind can conceive, maybe you are even intimidated of its power that grows the more you try to just go on with your life. trying to stop it or avoid it is draining you from being able to carry on as usual. and the current activities you’re involved in seem lackluster as you’re not actually able to fully participate with all the stuff that’s going on inside of you. it’s much deeper than what perhaps can be explained to some of the characters in your life who don’t seem to get what you’re talking about. which only exacerbates the inner tension you feel.  and you feel isolated, alone. you just want to be able to create what you want to create and be free, connected, mirthful, flowing in exchanges of love. but you think to yourself, why is this happening to me?? what’s wrong with me???!

this pretty much sums up what i was going through during my time living in berlin spanning over 8 years. i went there to be free and make art. until i realized i was not free and blocked from creating. so. much. pain. frustration. self-doubt.  i berated myself for what wasn’t happening and what was happening: chronic physical ailments, toxic relationships, isolation. what i didn’t know at the time was that i was going through major deep spiritual initiation renewal process. what mystics call ‘dark night of the soul’ which yes felt really dark. but it’s also a deep call to really see what’s been unconsciously stored in our bodies and minds – to be brought up to the surface so that it can be released and healed. what i didn’t know then was that there was a larger purpose to it, and it is a sacred rite of passage journey you are elected to go through for the sake of actually getting to know your true essence self, to waking up to your deeper higher purpose, and thus getting to everything you truly want to be and create. but birthing this new you is an intense process and what i wish in hindsight is to have had a Spiritual Ally to help me through the process. to have a witness, an ally in the challenging transition you may be experiencing, to validate to bless and to honor this time of transformation, as you give birth to the new you. 

‘what is to give light is to endure burning’ – anais nin.

this is at the heart of why i am launching my 6-week Spiritual Ally Program – it’s an opportunity for you to have 1-on-1 time with me as your Spiritual Ally through your transformation process. we meet 1x week 1 hour over zoom web conference, for an intuitive process of exchange.  this includes meditation and specially tailored homework/further inquiry inbetween sessions. since this program is in beta during july and august i am offering this at a special discounted rate. 

please message me if you are interested! yosarayoga@gmail.com

or you can also book a free 20minute connection call with me by messaging available times and your phone number.

xoxo
SA RA

when things feel IN-TENSE…

to all my sensitive magical kindred spirits out there..

words cant describe what’s been churning inside of me the past couple weeks, but i shall try. you could say it’s been a new frontier of deeper inner work, that has stopped me from actually feeling like i can create or even want to create or move forward externally with my projects, which led me to feeling incredibly foggy murky depressed, doubtful, impotent, frustrated, insecure…

a mini anecdote:  i’ve been taking Freeway the maltese and Pearl the poodle on walks – imagine 2 small white fluffy dogs on each side of me – we do get some nice attention –  on the streets of highland park.  lately though, after walking a few paces, Freeway wants to stop and be still, for no particular reason it seems. he just doesnt want to budge anymore. he’s definitely tapping into his own inner process. this Pause feels like an interruption, and aberration to my preconceived plan to trot rhythmically around the block. plus the sun is hot. i feel my own impatient exasperated urge to keep going, rouse him, tug his leash. in my right hand is the leash to Pearl who is tugging, charging forward, not cognizant of the wishes of me or Freeway at all. Freeway is adamant about taking his Yin (the feminine principle, associated with slowness, the intuitive receiving force) moment, and Pearl epitomizes pure Yang (the masculine principle associated with forward moving energy )

i am STUCK between Freeway and Pearl. unable to move, both sides not in communication with each other. which pretty much sums up how i’ve been feeling. my own inner IN-TENSE tug of war with my selves. my own Yang urge to TRY TO KEEP going with what I thought I want to do but there is something that does not want to budge, does NOT agree. 

Caring for the part of me that is stuck, at an impasse, and allowing myself the space to explore this particular space in all its awkwardness and discomfort IS the work. allowing myself to ask, what are these aspects of myself that are perhaps scared to move forward or don’t agree with the dominant mind, what care it needs in order to feel safe, heard and seen and giving that part, and all my parts unconditional acceptance of its presence.

Allowing much space to explore the block as an important precious part of myself is challenging only because of the years of conditioning to deflect or numb out or ignore or reject these parts …. but inside the tiniest intention to pivot towards listening and connecting caring and opening to those troubling parts… is a truly rewarding reversal towards true self-love, and you gain a whole new depth of understanding for Self.  i recognized in me my comfort zone preference for YANG (even as my role here in ManifestationYin is all about embracing our YIN!) – valuing more outward action as productive while judging my own YIN inward process as not. it was also bugging me that I didn’t know what was going on inside. but i could only feel that there was much happening. I felt the constriction of not giving space for the mystery of not knowing was happening underneath the surface. also, it is just plain intense to actually try to Be Present to the discomfort of the parts existing within myself that are opposing each other, saying hurtful disempowering things, etc. The  fact of even becoming aware that there are different opposing parts existing within myself, and that you can actually disidentify from these parts can be jarring in itself.  i’ve been contemplating what TRUST is and how to invite that more into my life. that there are things being worked out in the unseen realm, there is Great Work happening within, it is trusting the process, giving space to the process, allowing room for mystery of the universe within, holding space for that process to happen. yielding to it. letting myself open to the experience. letting myself be dumbfounded, scared. “It’s a beautiful Scared.” said  molly mcdonnell ❤  scared also spells sacred rearranged! 

i am feeling deep conviction that i am my own living proof that turning towards my darkness my blocks with an attitude of care, i am gaining power. Power : in the sense of connecting to a greater force of Nature that i am a child of. and i Do believe that this process is something to be honored, and is sacred. And it is a process that you can receive support with, Thank Goddess for the support that I’ve allowed myself to receive, which nourishes me more to give. there is a big web being woven, we are all connected. 

i am HERE as support. please reach out to me if you would like me to be your Spiritual Ally in your own transformation. 

we have learned to cope with challenges in life through action, but there is a much deeper Yin spiritual holistic way, and you don’t have to bear it in isolation! i’m now offering myself for 1-on-1 customized support! where I hold space for you to uncover your deeper wishes, and blocks, specially tailored meditation and guidance. this is a 6 week beta program which involves 1x week video conference meet. so you can be anywhere in the world, and since this is a brand new program *in beta*, it will be at a significantly reduced cost during JULY and AUGUST! email me back yosarayoga@gmail.com if you’re interested! ❤

tripping and rising

I hesitated writing this ‘newsletter’ and have been stalling on it because I got tripped up on trying to write something ‘good’,  feeling twinges of defeat even before starting, thinking and thinking and thinking… meanwhile I am getting tense in my shoulders, short on breath, having the opposite of FUN, getting all serious and dutiful about it, feeling bad about myself, and suddenly imagining you all as a panel of stern judgers whispering to each other with disdain ‘gawd, what is her deal?’ stamping your foot impatiently waiting for me to hurry up, with the cherry on top now thinking ‘I shouldn’t be feeling this way! I’m supposed to be inspired and feel connected!” which just widens the gap between where I actually am and where I want to be. I am watching the whole theatre of My Projections play out before my eyes. I know it’s not ‘real’ but it feels real. on an emotional level, this obviously has deep roots from childhood, a memory floats in now of having to perform playing the violin in recitals trying not to mess up any notes so I could avoid even the slightest hint of disapproval that could make me feel less worthy than the other kids.

but NOW something is shifting, transmuting … letting myself show up here as I am in your inbox expressing to you the process of what’s really going on with me underneath the surface, connecting to how I really feel in this moment, is unraveling the tightness in my head the mind that was wrapped up in right vs. wrong duality loved vs. unloved to just a basic fact that I exist You exist in this shared space and maybe if I can let myself be as I am, and you also feeling safe to do the same, we could all live in a state of deeper richer expansive harmonic sensory flow…

I’m guided back to my mission of guiding our minds back to the wisdom of our bodies – creating and fortifying that bridge through ritual, where you could allow yourself to dive down into your inner subterranean lagoon (that’s how I’m imagining my place of peace in this moment). My emphasis is not about making the mind wrong for thinking and projecting, but about learning and knowing how to create and feel your way back to your feeling-essence-truth, especially when caught in a moment of discomfort, worry, pain. Let that moment of dis-equilibrium be an opportunity to get hypervigilant with presence to enter into the feeling willing to feel what it is, giving it space to be – invoking qualities of the ‘divine feminine’. And recruiting the mind to work in service of getting you to feel deeper, letting it find the (gluten-free non GMO lowcarb) bread crumbs to lead you back Home. and from this space allowing the insight, inspiration, to flow towards creating, manifesting what you truly want as a natural extension of your true self, that maybe will be totally different from what you thought, because you are caring about how you feel in the process, less on product/outcome, and therefore what emerges is a deeper richer expression of You.

tiny prickly thorns

So maybe you are carrying on with your day to day tasks crossing things off the list mustering up an extra bit of cheerful ‘I’m great!’ when the cashier at the grocery story asks you how you’re doing and you mostly do agree with that you think, but what are those things or happenings underneath the surface perhaps ranging from so subtle you could almost ignore it (but you still know it’s there) to even acute emotional pain pangs that creep up on you and your equilibrium is disturbed. You know you’ve been irked by whatever it is but maybe then you try not to let it bother you, even casting it off as ‘not a big deal’ or ‘i’m just being silly, too sensitive’ or (fill in the blank), but there it is, sitting in the shadowy corner of your mind, staring right back at you. Maybe you’re even annoyed with yourself for feeling this way. Maybe this feeling occurrence has a similar flavor to something you felt not so long ago, or at least it feels quite familiar to you. like a riddle, this feeling keeps coming back. there are multiple parallel realities and there is the dissonance of whether this invisible realm of subjective feeling has legitimacy over what appears in the seen This Is How Things Should Be and How You Should Act and Behave and What Is Acceptable vs Not Acceptable to Be Bothered About in the physical world. i am putting it out there to say: HELL YES ALL your feelings matter, NO you are not overreacting, YES to caring for even the tiniest little pricklings. I was at my friend’s house the other day (hi soliana) in her backyard that has a bunch of wildflowers and prickly shrubs, and i ended up getting jabbed with tiny little thorns. i had to painstakingly take each one out, with care because it was hurting me. what if we honored our emotions the same we’d do with our physical body when it is in pain. And by honoring – I mean to allow yourself to be fully unconditionally present to it, watching listening feeling allowing the experience of discomfort the pain to Be as it is with the attitude of care. Receiving the full entirety of it. The way your best friend or lover could be for you. 

There, I’ve just expressed a core reason for creating ManifestationYin – a powerful ritual for deep self-care, to care for the thorns in your life. What are the thorns in your life? Every time you choose to care for your pain, you gain power. You need this power as the momentum for the abundant flourishing creatively bursting visionary life you’re meant to live.

Lunar Illuminations

what are the opposing forces in your life? where do you need more care?

we can get so accustomed to giving and being there for others, that it can feel odd to do the same for ourselves. especially when we’re going through a rough moment. now we’re giving ourselves a hard time about having a hard time. as if something is wrong with you and this thing that’s happening shouldn’t be happening. because if I were ‘better’ or ‘different’ than how i am then this wouldn’t be happening. or if ‘they’ were better or different, then this wouldn’t be happening. look: that just took a millisecond to downward spiral.

leading up to the full moon on wednesday you may sense heightened mental activity, which can feel like you’re being pulled in different directions by inner and outer forces and can have the effect of feeling depleted, cloudy, disconnected, or frozen and unable to flow with ease.

this is optimal for going Yin (getting receptive, interoceptive). we use this state to turn inward to give and receive our own care, and activate fierce presence to awaken to the deeper space within, in poses that inspire deeper listening, to allow your own innate knowing to rise to the surface.

you may spontaneously intuit a solution to an issue you’ve been encountering, you may experience sudden spurts of heightened clarity and creativity that you are so down to channel, you may find yourself feeling lighter and more grounded, you may experience shinier twinklier eyes, you may soften and take a more caring approach to your own self, other animals and humans that come your way… 

In this brief 1.5 hour session, I was able to dive into a non-time space, it felt like joining with a divine source, a deep powerful interior space, almost galactic. I felt the beauty, creativity and the largeness of life. “

(a message i received from a client)

what’s not being heard, spoken, seen by you

Just because these pieces of yourself haven’t surfaced to meet the physical world yet, doesn’t mean they’re not real or any less valid. I will go on to say there is immense value in all that happens below the surface. What no one else could hear or see except for you, especially pertaining to how you really feel. Even if that feeling is of not knowing what it even is that you feel, or the feelings that create a sense of discomfort in any way. But every part of you matters. Not just what gets noticed or approved of. Those parts that don’t feel like they matter enough, or kept sealed shut are an invitation for your own care to shift in how you perceive them. And in that very tiniest shift of opening towards the deeper spaces within yourself, you start to tap into a whole new expansive reality, and start to discern deeper truths of your being that can only be felt and experienced. This is the purpose for why I’ve created ManifestationYin, a space where you can shift – towards opening and listening to your deeper self – where maybe no one else has gone before – only you can.